I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
