lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
