College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
