the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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