Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
