This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize