Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Damn victory sex feels great
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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