We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
