I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
