he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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