it was like his penis was on wheels.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
