Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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