Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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