Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
