Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
