my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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