He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
