i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
