Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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