Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize