thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
