in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
