i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
