He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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