The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
