just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
