either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
