The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
