its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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