Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
