Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
