you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
