i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
