i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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