He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
