so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
