just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize