1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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