I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
