oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
