so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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