He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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