I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
