Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
