I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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