Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
