When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
