Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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