I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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