The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Be still, my beating vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
