i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
