whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
