I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
