this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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