dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
