No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
