I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
