so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
