If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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