I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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