he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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