sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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