I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
