I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
