i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
