How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
