I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
