did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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