So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How external is "for external use only"?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
