Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
