I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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