I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
