Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
