this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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